My Only Words on Rob Ford

One large man to another...avoid the fisheye lens.

UPDATE (2010/06/18):

OK, fuck it…Rob Ford is far too interesting to me. I have to keep talking about him, so I think I’ll regularly update this post with my thoughts on the bloated candidate. Today, here’s something I posted on Spacing in response to this fun article by Jonathan Goldsbie:

A year ago, Rob Ford was a clown and now he’s a serious contender. How does that happen? How does a guy with no political savvy do an end-run around everyone’s preconceptions and come out as a new person, even though he has all the same faults?? Confused? Joint the club.

Rob Ford, who’s entire purpose seems to be antagonizing fellow councillors, entire ethnic groups, the media and AIDS sufferers is AT THE SAME TIME a leading candidate for Mayor. It’s like he’s a superhero…by day he’s a goonish, loud-mouthed, racist buffoon, but when the sun goes down he puts on his costume and becomes “ROB FORD FOR MAYOR!!” Except in this situation, his Clark Kent outfit and he super-suit are the exactly the same, yet still no one puts two and two together.

The only way this would make sense is if Rob Ford had at one time been a moron for whom every opening of his mouth was a precursor to foot insertion, BUT now he’s been enlightened and has working “like a dog” to become involved and aware of our entire city’s diversity. If that were the case, I could understand his popularity. But let’s be honest…he hasn’t changed a but and is proving it regularly.

So here’s my question (and it’s likely the same question asked by Ford’s doctor, ZING!)…when will Rob Ford reach critical mass and explode? It’s gotta happen sometime.

Right?

ORIGINAL POST:

Alright, I haven’t been around much lately and as such I think the internet’s been about 0.0002% off it’s usually quotient of know-it-all, smarmy intellectualism disguised as social commentary. It’s also been about 0.000445% off on social commentary disguised as weak humour. But I want to come back into the fray. There are simply too many terrible and incredible things to say about what’s going on in Toronto, Canada and the World.

I should mention that although I like to focus on Toronto issues, I’m writing to you from Montreal. I’ve been forced to relocate here for work. I say forced and you may roll your eyes but hey, if you could find me a salary gig in Toronto as a lighting designer, I’d move back. But since no such gig exists in Toronto and I don’t want to wait until I’m 45 to have some cash I gotta follow the money…all the way to Montreal. I’m slowly warming up to Montreal’s civic issues, but I’ll still write mostly about Toronto. It’s the city I still call home and when you have brutish morons leading the Mayoral race, it’s no time to cut and run.

I’ve spent the better part of this evening trying to express how baffled I am that Rob Ford is even in the race and I can’t do it. How does a guy go from joke to contender overnight? How fucking desperate is the Toronto media for a story that they’re giving Ford so much attention. I spent a long while assuming they were just waiting for him to fuck up, but that can’t be the whole reason. Sure, he’s going to fuck up, but while they wait for that inevitable disaster the Toronto Star seems to be singlehandedly running Ford’s PR campaign. I’ve never seen a guy get this much press from nothing. At best he’s a fucking catchphrase.

Of course, that’s his strength. Like Sarah Palin, he’s just well-known enough and loud enough to be the poster child for people’s frustration with government. He’s not doing well because he has anything constructive to say, quite the opposite. Being completely negative is Ford’s fuel. And our cousins to the south have proven that while you can’t win simply by being a malcontent and a noisemaker, you can gather quite a following.

How much shit would we take as an electorate if we rewarded our Northern Palin’s cynical style of politics with a victory. It’s pretty hard to feel superior to Teabaggers when we’re giving this clown a real chance at being our leader. Even in America’s stupidest state they’d recognize Rob Ford for what he is, an even Chris Farley with a huge ex-jock chip on his shoulder.

But hey…fuck it, Rob Ford might be leading now but it’s the start of the summer and no one really gives a flying fuck about the election. If he’s still leading in September, it’s time to worry. Until then, just sit back and enjoy the clown show. But keep your umbrella handy. ‘Cause when Rob Ford’s whole campaign explodes because he gets drunk and runs over an old woman, or punches a reporter, or eats a baby while trying to kiss it you’re not going to want to get hit with the spray.

In the meantime…let’s all stop talking about Rob Ford.

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